• @JerriBlank I've spant WAY too many "minutes" in jail for drunken this or disorderly that, thank you. This bird is trying to chay-ay-ay-nge. #
• I dunno, what'd I say? ChaDaddy drinks. // RT @JesseIsTerrific: @ChadRiden what/who are you talking about? NAME NAMES, DAMMIT! #
• Legalizing Marijuana Now More Popular than the Republican Party: http://ping.fm/KfWMi – stick that in your pipe and smoke it. #
• Mega Man 8-Bit Deathmatch – Official Trailer: http://cutstuff.net/blog/?p=1916 (NES Mega Man graphics w/ DOOM gameplay) #
• I'm going to start treating Jay Leno the way people used to tell you to handle a school yard bully – ignore him and hope he goes away. #
• In the immortal words of Reno Collier, "I don't feel good." #
• anti-gay Republican CA state Senator Roy Ashburn busted for DUI after leaving a gay bar: http://ping.fm/DKE9X #
• re: Roy Ashburn – it's always the ones that scream the loudest.. I guess it's so they can't hear their conscience telling them to stfu? #
• Like music about robots rising to take control? BIZRQ: WE BE DOOMED is your new favorite cd: http://ping.fm/uIw9b robowesomeness! #
• MY religion has ONE rule: don't be an asshole.. (I falter a lot) BUT I don't cram that down everybody else's throats via legislation. #
• I just want to point out that I am an ordained minister. Feel free to join the Chadyterian church for all your "legal" tax shelter needs! #
• I used to follow The Church of the Quivering Otter, but they never issued me actual credentials.. so I broke off and did my own thing. #
• For more info about The Church of the Quivering Otter, visit http://ping.fm/n1A1a – The Diet Coke of Fate told me you would come to us. #

• Thanks for donating, errbody. Here's video from Callia’s Taekwondo Break-a-thon for St. Jude: http://ping.fm/twmKs #
• For a country called the UNITED States of America, there's a whole lot of divisive talk about Us vs. Them. We should realize They ALL suck. #
• I really wish I could just TiVo my day and skip ahead to the good part. #
• No, but I may drop in and try to do a spot // RT @musiccityswurst: @ChadRiden Are you opening for Greg Giraldo at Zanies this weekend? #
• Want to hear from all of Nashville's stand-up comics (and some @nsup alumni) via one awesometastic feed? Follow @NashvilleComedy #
• ALL of life's lessons can be learned by watching Adam Sandler movies. // RT @northrup: @ChadRiden Did you learn nothing from 'Click'? #
• They call Gates a "financial terrorist" – I LOVE THAT phrase. //RT @eritreacompass Bill Gates’ $10 billion vaccine scam http://bit.ly/b8qEZH #
• I need to borrow a stud finder for a construction project, but I'm afraid to ask people because that sounds a lot gayer than I'd like. #
• When Callia gets pissed, she runs to her room and shuts the door really fast and then opens it up to say, "Sorry that I slammed the door!" #
• BUT enough about me, what's going on with you? #
• scraping old mirror glue off the bathroom wall, I realize just because I held the flashlight for dad doesn't mean I know wtf I'm doing. #
• why bookers love me: I just emailed a guy saying "..I WILL go out of my way to NOT start fights with black biker gangs." (learned my lesson) #
• It's gotta be hard to write hacky jokes that start with "I wish I knew whose great idea it was to…" what with Google and all. #

• Get drunk on the Chad Riden'y goodness over at the Google Buzz: http://ping.fm/tIgQf it ain't no Google Wave, but it's something. #
• Callia Lee Riden would like to announce her intention to run for President of The United States Of America in 2040: http://ping.fm/JNB5S #
• Nodar Kumaritashvili Luge Crash 2010 Vancouver Olympics FULL VIDEO (torrent) http://ping.fm/MPug0 #
• Spent the entire day in a gamer cyber cafe / nerd cave across the street from the comedy club.. cause I'm a romantic! #
• popping pills with reckless abandon! WOOO!! PARTY! I've never taken Ranitidine before, I hope it's really trippy. #
• ..dropped a $20 and didn't even miss it. Skeezer from another crew, she picked it up and kissed it. #
• You got it, Rev. Stay tuned for more half-assed poop jokes everybody. // RT @RevRunWisdom: Do what you love and the money will follow #
• #imfromneptune – more specifically, a small fishing village on one of Neptune's moons. #
• please donate whatever you can to Callia’s Taekwondo board break-a-thon for St. Jude http://ping.fm/2vKCr #

Cledus' Kick-Fightin' School

We tried to enroll Callia into the same secret ninja school Batman went thru, but it wasn’t until after we’d carried a weird flower up a snowy mountain that we discovered that the place had burnt down? Dejected, we looked into ninja schools closer to Nashville. There wasn’t a great selection to choose from. We visited Cledus’ Kick-Fightin’ School, but were unimpressed. For one thing, they had no affiliation with any higher organization.. but most frightening was they didn’t seem to have any rules other than, “don’t be a sissy!” We decided to keep looking.

Eventually we found Spirit Marital Arts in Hermitage. They’re good people and seem to have their stuff together. This weekend, they’re doing a board break-a-thon to raise money for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. It’s a good cause and the kids will have fun smashing stuff, so there really isn’t a downside to it.

If you want to donate a few dollars, it’s totally tax deductible.. here’s a way to do it via PayPal:

MY LITTLE GIRL BREAKS WOODEN BOARDS WITH HER HANDS!

UPDATE:

Thanks to everybody who has donated! Here’s what went down (kinda):

• My “Nashville comedy” google alert is BLOWING UP thanks to Sarah Palin. FYI Nashville has *intentional* comedy, too. See @nsup – NashvilleStandUp.com #
• A man in the audience tonight got PISSED because I said Jesus was a Jew. He almost kicked the emcee’s ass, thinking he told the joke. #
• Happy Stupor Bowl everybody! I hope someone breaks both of Peyton Manning’s arms for him. #
• the Letterman – Oprah – Leno Super Bowl ad is the greatest thing ever: http://tinyurl.com/ydw7zgz #
• all of my websites have been offline all day thanks to dreamhost! (this still enter me into the iPad giveaway?) http://tinyurl.com/ycvd34y #
• I thought my Young’s Double Chocolate Stout clone was too double-chocolate-y and not enough stout at first, but I was mistaken. Goodness. #
• My web hosting people at @Dreamhost are “working on it” // RT @Anundson whycome I no get to MangyDog.com or NashvilleStandUp.com #comeonchad!!! #
• About to go on 107.1 FM Nashville, streaming at RadioFreeNashville.org I think I’ll be on/off/on from 10-12? Who knows. #
• Google Buzz. OH LOOK, another great way for the world to tune in and hear me talk about me and bitch about everyone else. #
• Callia is putting together her Diego valentines cards for her classmates. The one with his backpack says, “We can do it!” NO YOU CAN NOT. #
• Don’t Ask Don’t Tell should be applied to people’s religious views. (via @TheComedyStore) #
• at Atlanta’s Funny Farm tonight thru Sunday w/ Bobcat Goldthwait http://ping.fm/ZORfQ?eid=297894317922&ref=mf #
• I get the feeling that when comedy show promos call me a “special guest” they mean they think I might be retarded. #
• woah, buddy! I never touched her. // RT @bdonahueweedman: @ChadRiden Lisa Pattons orgasm. #

Callia Lee Riden would like to announce her intention to run for President of The United States Of America in 2040. This is all we have for her platform so far, but we’ll keep you updated.

A brainstorming flow-chart from school: "If I were a president.. I would gife free pupys.. I would make big bildings.. I would shutdown ware.. I would make free ice crem." Me, too.

Here’s a thing we made during the snow a couple weeks ago starring Lacy, Guido, Ace, Laura, Callia and myself.. and introducing “Bertha The Snow Girl.”

• I started a snowball fight with Tom Green the end of the first show tonight. Get down here! #
• I think the best way to enjoy the Grammies is to avoid them altogether. #
• I say: rip jibberty doo! // RT @patdixon: It's either get busy living, or flip getty dingflam. #
• At The End, awaiting glorious hilarity from Neil hamburger and chris crofton. Come on out nashville. @nsup #
• @noonthirtythree Thanks! I have a couple upcoming Nashville shows: wed 2/3 8pm Hard Rock Cafe and fri 2/19 9pm Music City Bar & Grill in reply to noonthirtythree #
• Watching hockey I always channel don rickles #
• Hard Rock Cafe Nashville TONIGHT, 8pm w/ @stevehofstetter. tickets: $17 at door, or $5 tix at http://picksteve.com w/ promo: CHADFIVE #
• Happy Black History Month! or as they call it in Alabama.. February. #
• I'm on webovision! The Channel at TomGreen.com http://ping.fm/kQBke – maybe next time I'll be *funny* on the webovision.. #
• Another awesome thing I have been on in a completely incidental fashion is "The Sound Of Young America": http://tinyurl.com/yb2gtqk #
• After Obama's superbowl party politicians will work together, putting the best interest of this country in front of partisan power moves. #
• PLUS, our dicks will all double in size and each household will receive blessings from The Lord. #
• This "Tea Party Convention" is going on RIGHT NOW here in Nashville.. not a lot of media are allowed in.. so they can all use the N-word? #

• Is is the second supermarket I've been in today where I can't find the latest issue of MAD magazine. WTF is going on with this planet?! #
• introduce her to Weird Al's version. MUCH better. // RT @superpixels How can I stop my nearly-8 gal from singing Eye of the Tiger? Really. #
• The goodwill for Haiti is nice and all, but where was all this concern for them a month ago? Things have sucked (bad) there for a long time. #
• Watching the Caprica pilot, popping a virtual boner. #
• @ Zanies' open mic tonight with various funny peoples.. then th-sun w/ Tom Green. Should be pretty fun. http://ping.fm/r1yR8 #
• Today's the big day Apple gives us all a huge iBoner! can't wait. #
• the Apple iPad looks sweet, but I'll stick to my trusty Newton Message Pad 2100 thank you very much. #
• Apple iPad!? NO THANK YOU. Why buy that when the Microsoft Surface is just $5000 and *almost* as portable as a refrigerator? #
• Hahaha // BREAKING: Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger http://onion.com/aMxPaR (via @TheOnion) #
• TOM GREEN F**K the Weather BOGO Tix Special for 1st 50 -615.269.0221@ Fri Jan 29 @7:30 or 9:45 http://bit.ly/cEppcj (via @zaniesnashville) #
• @ Zanies w/ Tom Green thru Sunday. Screw the snow! Come on out, roads are ok. #

• According to Twitter I’m supposed to be watching the #goldenglobes? The thought never occured to me. #
• too cruel? RT @comedynews: Jay Leno is a joke robot on auto-pilot with zero self-awareness | Las Vegas Sun http://tinyurl.com/yb5fqh3 #
• Jay Leno did NOT seem like a “nice guy.” Am I the only person who was paying attention 1992-3? Also, his show has ALWAYS been terrible. YES. #
• http://twitpic.com/yre75 – Jay Leno is the cicada of ruining late night tv. #
• Return of the Jedi? // RT @shanagallery http://twitpic.com/yuh0p -Newish painting, 16″ x 16″. untitled at the moment but taking suggestions. #


The result of my alien encounter.

• Callia was late to school. Signing her in, I had to write down the reason so I wrote, “ALIENS!” Not even a smile from them! C’mon.. #
• I’ll be hanging around NYC mid-March. I can’t wait to get back to the city that never lets me sleep! http://ping.fm/InecY #
• masturbating bear! #TEAMCONAN #
• I’m With Dipshit! #TeamDipshit http://ping.fm/S3KOL #
• The All-White Basketball League?! Good luck with that, Crackas. http://ping.fm/beYHc #
• I know tonight is kinda Conan’s night, but can we get #TeamDipshit to trend? No? Fair enough. http://ping.fm/S3KOL #
• tonight I’m hosting the “I HAVE NO FRIENDS” stand-up comedy contest at Music City Bar & Grill in Nashville: http://adjix.com/saks @nsup #
• So what happens when Jay Leno’s “new” Tonight Show fails? Who takes over the show when he leaves? ..are we closer to Bill Hicks’ prediction? #