Mar 06 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-06

twitter | March 6, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • @JerriBlank I've spant WAY too many "minutes" in jail for drunken this or disorderly that, thank you. This bird is trying to chay-ay-ay-nge. #
  • I dunno, what'd I say? ChaDaddy drinks. // RT @JesseIsTerrific: @ChadRiden what/who are you talking about? NAME NAMES, DAMMIT! #
  • Legalizing Marijuana Now More Popular than the Republican Party: http://ping.fm/KfWMi – stick that in your pipe and smoke it. #
  • Mega Man 8-Bit Deathmatch – Official Trailer: http://cutstuff.net/blog/?p=1916 (NES Mega Man graphics w/ DOOM gameplay) #
  • I'm going to start treating Jay Leno the way people used to tell you to handle a school yard bully – ignore him and hope he goes away. #
  • In the immortal words of Reno Collier, "I don't feel good." #
  • anti-gay Republican CA state Senator Roy Ashburn busted for DUI after leaving a gay bar: http://ping.fm/DKE9X #
  • re: Roy Ashburn – it's always the ones that scream the loudest.. I guess it's so they can't hear their conscience telling them to stfu? #
  • Like music about robots rising to take control? BIZRQ: WE BE DOOMED is your new favorite cd: http://ping.fm/uIw9b robowesomeness! #
  • MY religion has ONE rule: don't be an asshole.. (I falter a lot) BUT I don't cram that down everybody else's throats via legislation. #
  • I just want to point out that I am an ordained minister. Feel free to join the Chadyterian church for all your "legal" tax shelter needs! #
  • I used to follow The Church of the Quivering Otter, but they never issued me actual credentials.. so I broke off and did my own thing. #
  • For more info about The Church of the Quivering Otter, visit http://ping.fm/n1A1a – The Diet Coke of Fate told me you would come to us. #
Feb 27 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-27

twitter | February 27, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • Thanks for donating, errbody. Here's video from Callia’s Taekwondo Break-a-thon for St. Jude: http://ping.fm/twmKs #
  • For a country called the UNITED States of America, there's a whole lot of divisive talk about Us vs. Them. We should realize They ALL suck. #
  • I really wish I could just TiVo my day and skip ahead to the good part. #
  • No, but I may drop in and try to do a spot // RT @musiccityswurst: @ChadRiden Are you opening for Greg Giraldo at Zanies this weekend? #
  • Want to hear from all of Nashville's stand-up comics (and some @nsup alumni) via one awesometastic feed? Follow @NashvilleComedy #
  • ALL of life's lessons can be learned by watching Adam Sandler movies. // RT @northrup: @ChadRiden Did you learn nothing from 'Click'? #
  • They call Gates a "financial terrorist" – I LOVE THAT phrase. //RT @eritreacompass Bill Gates’ $10 billion vaccine scam http://bit.ly/b8qEZH #
  • I need to borrow a stud finder for a construction project, but I'm afraid to ask people because that sounds a lot gayer than I'd like. #
  • When Callia gets pissed, she runs to her room and shuts the door really fast and then opens it up to say, "Sorry that I slammed the door!" #
  • BUT enough about me, what's going on with you? #
  • scraping old mirror glue off the bathroom wall, I realize just because I held the flashlight for dad doesn't mean I know wtf I'm doing. #
  • why bookers love me: I just emailed a guy saying "..I WILL go out of my way to NOT start fights with black biker gangs." (learned my lesson) #
  • It's gotta be hard to write hacky jokes that start with "I wish I knew whose great idea it was to…" what with Google and all. #
Feb 20 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-20

twitter | February 20, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • Get drunk on the Chad Riden'y goodness over at the Google Buzz: http://ping.fm/tIgQf it ain't no Google Wave, but it's something. #
  • Callia Lee Riden would like to announce her intention to run for President of The United States Of America in 2040: http://ping.fm/JNB5S #
  • Nodar Kumaritashvili Luge Crash 2010 Vancouver Olympics FULL VIDEO (torrent) http://ping.fm/MPug0 #
  • Spent the entire day in a gamer cyber cafe / nerd cave across the street from the comedy club.. cause I'm a romantic! #
  • popping pills with reckless abandon! WOOO!! PARTY! I've never taken Ranitidine before, I hope it's really trippy. #
  • ..dropped a $20 and didn't even miss it. Skeezer from another crew, she picked it up and kissed it. #
  • You got it, Rev. Stay tuned for more half-assed poop jokes everybody. // RT @RevRunWisdom: Do what you love and the money will follow #
  • #imfromneptune – more specifically, a small fishing village on one of Neptune's moons. #
  • please donate whatever you can to Callia’s Taekwondo board break-a-thon for St. Jude http://ping.fm/2vKCr #
Feb 13 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-13

twitter | February 13, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • My “Nashville comedy” google alert is BLOWING UP thanks to Sarah Palin. FYI Nashville has *intentional* comedy, too. See @nsup – NashvilleStandUp.com #
  • A man in the audience tonight got PISSED because I said Jesus was a Jew. He almost kicked the emcee’s ass, thinking he told the joke. #
  • Happy Stupor Bowl everybody! I hope someone breaks both of Peyton Manning’s arms for him. #
  • the Letterman – Oprah – Leno Super Bowl ad is the greatest thing ever: http://tinyurl.com/ydw7zgz #
  • all of my websites have been offline all day thanks to dreamhost! (this still enter me into the iPad giveaway?) http://tinyurl.com/ycvd34y #
  • I thought my Young’s Double Chocolate Stout clone was too double-chocolate-y and not enough stout at first, but I was mistaken. Goodness. #
  • My web hosting people at @Dreamhost are “working on it” // RT @Anundson whycome I no get to MangyDog.com or NashvilleStandUp.com #comeonchad!!! #
  • About to go on 107.1 FM Nashville, streaming at RadioFreeNashville.org I think I’ll be on/off/on from 10-12? Who knows. #
  • Google Buzz. OH LOOK, another great way for the world to tune in and hear me talk about me and bitch about everyone else. #
  • Callia is putting together her Diego valentines cards for her classmates. The one with his backpack says, “We can do it!” NO YOU CAN NOT. #
  • Don’t Ask Don’t Tell should be applied to people’s religious views. (via @TheComedyStore) #
  • at Atlanta’s Funny Farm tonight thru Sunday w/ Bobcat Goldthwait http://ping.fm/ZORfQ?eid=297894317922&ref=mf #
  • I get the feeling that when comedy show promos call me a “special guest” they mean they think I might be retarded. #
  • woah, buddy! I never touched her. // RT @bdonahueweedman: @ChadRiden Lisa Pattons orgasm. #
Feb 06 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-06

twitter | February 6, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • I started a snowball fight with Tom Green the end of the first show tonight. Get down here! #
  • I think the best way to enjoy the Grammies is to avoid them altogether. #
  • I say: rip jibberty doo! // RT @patdixon: It's either get busy living, or flip getty dingflam. #
  • At The End, awaiting glorious hilarity from Neil hamburger and chris crofton. Come on out nashville. @nsup #
  • @noonthirtythree Thanks! I have a couple upcoming Nashville shows: wed 2/3 8pm Hard Rock Cafe and fri 2/19 9pm Music City Bar & Grill in reply to noonthirtythree #
  • Watching hockey I always channel don rickles #
  • Hard Rock Cafe Nashville TONIGHT, 8pm w/ @stevehofstetter. tickets: $17 at door, or $5 tix at http://picksteve.com w/ promo: CHADFIVE #
  • Happy Black History Month! or as they call it in Alabama.. February. #
  • I'm on webovision! The Channel at TomGreen.com http://ping.fm/kQBke – maybe next time I'll be *funny* on the webovision.. #
  • Another awesome thing I have been on in a completely incidental fashion is "The Sound Of Young America": http://tinyurl.com/yb2gtqk #
  • After Obama's superbowl party politicians will work together, putting the best interest of this country in front of partisan power moves. #
  • PLUS, our dicks will all double in size and each household will receive blessings from The Lord. #
  • This "Tea Party Convention" is going on RIGHT NOW here in Nashville.. not a lot of media are allowed in.. so they can all use the N-word? #
Jan 30 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-30

twitter | January 30, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • Is is the second supermarket I've been in today where I can't find the latest issue of MAD magazine. WTF is going on with this planet?! #
  • introduce her to Weird Al's version. MUCH better. // RT @superpixels How can I stop my nearly-8 gal from singing Eye of the Tiger? Really. #
  • The goodwill for Haiti is nice and all, but where was all this concern for them a month ago? Things have sucked (bad) there for a long time. #
  • Watching the Caprica pilot, popping a virtual boner. #
  • @ Zanies' open mic tonight with various funny peoples.. then th-sun w/ Tom Green. Should be pretty fun. http://ping.fm/r1yR8 #
  • Today's the big day Apple gives us all a huge iBoner! can't wait. #
  • the Apple iPad looks sweet, but I'll stick to my trusty Newton Message Pad 2100 thank you very much. #
  • Apple iPad!? NO THANK YOU. Why buy that when the Microsoft Surface is just $5000 and *almost* as portable as a refrigerator? #
  • Hahaha // BREAKING: Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger http://onion.com/aMxPaR (via @TheOnion) #
  • TOM GREEN F**K the Weather BOGO Tix Special for 1st 50 -615.269.0221@ Fri Jan 29 @7:30 or 9:45 http://bit.ly/cEppcj (via @zaniesnashville) #
  • @ Zanies w/ Tom Green thru Sunday. Screw the snow! Come on out, roads are ok. #
Jan 23 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-23

twitter | January 23, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • According to Twitter I’m supposed to be watching the #goldenglobes? The thought never occured to me. #
  • too cruel? RT @comedynews: Jay Leno is a joke robot on auto-pilot with zero self-awareness | Las Vegas Sun http://tinyurl.com/yb5fqh3 #
  • Jay Leno did NOT seem like a “nice guy.” Am I the only person who was paying attention 1992-3? Also, his show has ALWAYS been terrible. YES. #
  • http://twitpic.com/yre75 – Jay Leno is the cicada of ruining late night tv. #
  • Return of the Jedi? // RT @shanagallery http://twitpic.com/yuh0p -Newish painting, 16″ x 16″. untitled at the moment but taking suggestions. #

    • The result of my alien encounter.

  • Callia was late to school. Signing her in, I had to write down the reason so I wrote, “ALIENS!” Not even a smile from them! C’mon.. #
  • I’ll be hanging around NYC mid-March. I can’t wait to get back to the city that never lets me sleep! http://ping.fm/InecY #
  • masturbating bear! #TEAMCONAN #
  • I’m With Dipshit! #TeamDipshit http://ping.fm/S3KOL #
  • The All-White Basketball League?! Good luck with that, Crackas. http://ping.fm/beYHc #
  • I know tonight is kinda Conan’s night, but can we get #TeamDipshit to trend? No? Fair enough. http://ping.fm/S3KOL #
  • tonight I’m hosting the “I HAVE NO FRIENDS” stand-up comedy contest at Music City Bar & Grill in Nashville: http://adjix.com/saks @nsup #
  • So what happens when Jay Leno’s “new” Tonight Show fails? Who takes over the show when he leaves? ..are we closer to Bill Hicks’ prediction? #
Jan 16 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-16

twitter | January 16, 2010 at 10:59 am
    jay_leno-cicada

  • I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, with the utmost sincerity.. SUCK IT, LENO! He’s like the cicada of ruining late night tv. #
  • if nobody EVER talked to me about sports again, it’d still be too damn soon. How ’bout them Idle Conversations, huh? HELLUVA SEASON. #
  • Kudos to Conan for standing up for himself, AND considering what is “fair to Jimmy Fallon”. If only Leno thought of anyone but himself.. #

    • imwithcoco

  • TEAM CONAN! #teamconan (even though I watch Dave Letterman live every night possible & catch conan later) #
  • Fantastic I’m with COCO image // RT @carynloveless: http://www.sirmikeofmitchell.com/imwithcoco/ #
  • just did an interview for the fine people at CandidCareer.com – I hope I wasn’t too candid about my “career” telling wacky poop jokes. #
  • Today, I gotta be honest: I’m not feelin’ you. I hope you get your shit together and shape up into an awesome Tonight, otherwise we’re thru. #
  • Dick Ebersol has the balls to talk shiz about Conan O’Brien? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t he the twat that ruined SNL from 1980-85? #
  • just above my bedroom in the wall somewhere.. my house makes a noise like a hammer tapping a 2×4.. every 5 seconds or so off and on all day. #
  • people say the noise is air in the hot water pipes, pipes about to burst, and/or Recurrent Spontaneous PsychoKinesis (gh-gh-gh-ghosts!) #
  • I’m not sure which is worse: farty plumbing? slowly exploding house? or a mildly annoying poltergeist? #
  • maybe I can get @JoeSouthards to bring his ghostbusters tricorder over and scan the house thetan level (or whatever). #
Jan 09 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-09

twitter | January 9, 2010 at 9:59 am
  • HEY, producers of that Prevacid ad where the stand-up comic made fun of a guy for getting up and walking out during a show.. #
  • an Ass Hat

    an Ass Hat

    ..the average comic isnt an ass-hat. we generally dont make fun of people unless they bring it upon themselves (like you, weird looking guy) #

  • watching my TiVo’d SNL rerun. Dave Mathews Band has been playing this same song for what, 15 years now? & I thought I hated it way back then #
  • TiVo is set to get anything “Premier/ pilot/ finale” – I almost deleted “Pet Psychic Encounters” then thought, “WAIT – I need new material.” #
  • “Pet Psychic Encounters” is as retarded as you’d expect.. and I’d love to mock it, but I can’t tolerate this old british woman’s accent. #
  • I love the way late night infomercials for POS workout devices repeatedly say “buns”. #
  • Spending entire day at the dentist having my teeth replaced with steel teeth like Richard Kiel as Jaws in The Spy Who Loved Me & Moonraker. #
  • Bottom teeth out, new steel lowers / deadly anti-spy weapons are in. Already accidentally bit my tongue off. #
  • Not if you have Internet voting. // RT @punchlinemag: if we have a funniest Valentines Day video contest would you enter? #contest #comedian in reply to punchlinemag #
  • http://twitpic.com/wyykr – My new teeth look exactly like this. #
  • @nsup @nashvillecomedy The Emergency Backup cans of Fresca I keep in my trunk have frozen and exploded. That’s good thinkin’! #
  • Lady at dentists office:”kids think they’re not cool if they don’t have the latest gadgets.” me:”they AREN’T cool, but toys won’t fix that.” #
  • I’m pretty sure dental hygienists leave the Nitrous oxide hose thing on so they don’t have to look up your nose the whole time. #
  • Nashville schools are closed today because they THINK it MIGHT snow an inch. Have not seen a single flake yet. Pussies. You’re all pussies. #
  • We’ve gotten a light dusting of snow. Good job Nashville schools! You’ve protected our children from getting slightly moist. #
Jan 02 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-02

twitter | January 2, 2010 at 9:59 am
  • New Years Resolution: work much harder at growing my beard to be the awesomest MFing beard you’ve ever seen in your whole damn life #
  • Callia talking smack to the Pokemon Battle Revolution Wii game: “Is that a lamb? You better call Little Bo Peep.” #
  • #CHADRIDEN1K started on Oct. 8 with 388 followers. I’m now at 420. OMG, we’re not going to reach 1,000 by New Years Eve, are we?!? O-M-G #
  • finally uploaded a video to Funny or Die: “Jackass picks up roadkill deer off the interstate” http://tinyurl.com/FOD-roadkill #
  • RT @ScottAukerman:Any time I see an attractive woman on TV or in the movies, I think, “Oh, she’s pretty-what job is she pretending to have?” #
  • RT @GregFitzShow: I have a really good podcast, but too few followers. Please send a message to friends so I can break 6k by 2010. Thanks! #
  • Happy New Year to everybody who is still my friend after putting up with all of the crap I said and did (or didn’t say and do) in 2009. #
  • Crappy New Year to: overbearing neighborhood associations. You’re all creepy as shit. I hope your houses burn then flood. #
  • Crappy New Year to: any cop that hands out tickets for a living. I hope your family is victimized while you’re clocking speeders. #
  • Crappy New Year to: partisan zealots. Our 2-party system is the problem. Disband all political parties and force people to think. #
  • Crappy New Year to: insurance companies. Suck it. What a scam you’re running.. I hope our entire fake economy crashes. #
  • Crappy New Year to: the ass-clowns ruining WRVU-FM. Vanderbilt has some really cool people.. but there are also Total Dicks. #
  • Crappy New Year to: people offended by the word “retarded” – mentally handicapped people aren’t.. and YOU are silly. #
  • Happy New Year to everybody who is still my friend after putting up with all of the crap I said in the last thirty seconds. #
  • Crappy New Year to: career politicians. You should all make minimum wage, live in public housing & rely upon welfare. #
  • Crappy New Year to: Wall Street. Anything that can fluctuate in “value” by major percentages a minute HAS to be worthless. #
  • Crappy New Year to: anything “too big to fail” – those are exactly the things that should fail. You’re all wrong and retarded. #
  • Crappy New Year to: anyone who gave up on the dream. The difference between success and failure is your choices. #
  • My 6-year-old daughter just asked me to play Spin The Bottle with her. I have failed as a parent. #
  • OH. Her version of Spin The Bottle is you do an impression of whoever the bottle points to. Her impression of me is funny, not flattering. #
  • When Callia says “I’m starving to DEATH!” she means, “I could eat about four chicken nuggets.” #
  • Crappy New Year to: jackasses who drive past my house doing twice the speed limit, revving their minivan engines to their pathetic limits. #
  • Crappy New Year to: dipshits dropping bass beats (as if it’s still 1992) while creeping past my house at 2 mph at 3 a.m. — die in a fire. #
  • “Jackass picks up roadkill deer off the interstate” – just wrote up ‘the rest of the story’ on http://ping.fm/sfVuD #
  • Probably more lifelike than he is in person. // RT @michaelianblack The CGI Carson Daly looks amazing!!! in reply to michaelianblack #
  • Finally defeated New SMB Wii. I think this means I’ll be a drunken nerd “achiever” who over-eats but doesn’t sleep in 2010. Awesome? #
  • @ sams, boozin it up with my lovely wifera. Come on out errbody, drinks are on you! #