• Watching David Letterman try to knock his Christmas tree down with a motorized cupcake http://bit.ly/8ta0ur @Late_Show #
• You missed it! Next one is 1/22 // RT @daynise @ChadRiden See you at the “I HAVE NO FRIENDS COMEDY SHOW” http://tinyurl.com/nofriends-1-2010 #
• I almost said to my 6-year-old: “Come on, you’re acting like a little kid!” *almost*. #
• Last night, Callia said, “Daddy, it’s HARD taking care of a child.” “How do you know?” “*I’m* a child. I can tell.” #
• Finished off the keg of Longshot ‘96 Hazelnut Brown Ale. Impatiently waiting on my Old Rasputin Imperial Stout clone to finish fermenting. #
• Merry Christmas! Happy Jew-time! Kooky Kwanzaa! Funky Festivus! ..or whatever the hell it is you celebrate, enjoy it. #
• setting up the Santa snare. I think this is the year we finally snag that sum-bitch. #

• Sold out show tonight with @vinniecoppola, @chadriden, & Brian Malis. Crowd is trickling in http://twitpic.com/ta9kh (via @varietytheater) #
• Sponsors-schmonsors. Tiger Woods is already richer than anyone ever needs to be. I’d sell that house and disappear forever. #
• Registered for the UT-Knoxville alumni Apprentice Program, hoping some students will want to drink beer and be a smartass for a living. #
• Geeks Gone Wild! at the Chrismahanukwanzakah Party Thu! Ugly xmas sweater = free drink! http://urlzen.com/10wg (via @nashvillegeeks) #
• I had fun, thanks!// RT @geoffsmith @ChadRiden Thank you for your comedy tonight. You really hit the nail tonight. You are one talented guy. #
• I’m such a whore: // Ho ho ho! Win a Macbook Pro from @dealsplus for Christmas. Details here: http://bit.ly/7kMWCB #
• The “I HAVE NO FRIENDS” Stand-Up Comedy Contest – TONIGHT, 9pm: http://ping.fm/n3vP8?eid=215354301991&ref=mf #

• I just generated my #TweetCloud out of a year of my tweets. Top three words: tonight, comedy, night – http://w33.us/2kit #
• http://twitpic.com/rpdom – The Reindeer toilet. If this is in your house, I hate you. #
• It’s childish, I know.. but I snicker every time the CNN anchor says, “Cyber Monday.” Cyber-anything = “cyber-spanking it” in my mind. #
• You’re all invited to “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo” – dinner & break-dancing movies tonight at my house: http://adjix.com/xbvq #
• Turkeys are cheap if you buy em the day after Thanksgiving. The bird is in the oven! The kegerator is full of Paulaner Hefe-Weizen! #
• AND after the meal, we’ll be gathering around the tv to watch the break dancing cinematic classics Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2. #
• (I hate sports, so this is what we do instead of watching football or whatever it is people do.) #
• I KNOW we did the exact same thing Feb 25th, but “Electric Boogaloo” is too fun to say & “Thanksgiving 3: Electric Boogaloo” sounds stupid. #
• Technically, this could be “Thanksgiving 4: The Quest For Peace” – but I don’t want to over think this. #
• I know it’s late notice, but “planning” is for ass-hats. If you can’t make it for any reason, we’ll take that to mean you don’t love us. #
• The E! Network interrupted the Punky Brewster ‘behind the whatever’ show with “breaking news” about Tiger Woods. Suck it, everybody at E! #
• Thanks to everybody who came out for “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo 2: Electric Boogaloo’er” last night. Turkey + booze + breakin = fun #
• Random Chad Fact: I have an insane, irrational hatred for sports, athletic ability, and physical effort in general. #
• Having tooled around with Google Wave for all of 7 minutes, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a failure and they should turn it off. #
• Watching Maria Bamford’s free ONE HOUR HOMEMADE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL again. You should too: http://mariabamford.com #
• Cash is great. I also take checks, paypal, cheese, beer and pictures, but leave only footprints & the scent of cheep booze & beef jerky. #
• every news show on tv has turned into some retarded mix of Entertainment Tonight, Mtv News & the end of Planet of the Apes. #
• my favorite thing on Twitter: random person says, “Get 1000’s of followers!” – then you click on their page and they’ve got 42 followers. #
• I still view everything as a giant jocks vs. nerds struggle. I was in a bar this weekend and football was on tv.. #
• ..someone asked me “who’s your team?” and I told them “I wish they ALL would lose.” You should have seen the confused stares. #

• Drinking coffee, listening to the jack Kerouac collection, driving home after two weeks on the road.. Wishing harm to minivan drivers. #
• Ha! RT @sbellelauren getting a facebook account named “jesus christ” to tell people to stop posting about god & just diddle themselves more. #
• Like Sarah Palin, I’m reloading. Except I’m “reloading” with homebrew beer and hate. #
• This is the second day in a row Callia has come home from school early because she’s “sick.” My frustration levels are off the MFing charts. #
• @bdonahueweedman she has a bad cough, reportedly from allergies, but isn’t SICK-sick.. but we think she’s figured out how to get sent home. #

• Doing 20-ish minutes 7:30 tonight @ Zanies “best of Nashville” show. Might do the Crazy Monkey Dance.   #
• RT @bdonahueweedman @ChadRiden I know I can’t shut up about it, but u could be the comedy version of Anvil. in reply to bdonahueweedman #
• RT @nsup tonight! Billy Wayne Davis & the comedy robots!? 7:30pm @ZaniesNashville – video & info here: http://bit.ly/gDixA #
• RT @zaniesnashville 4 FREE tix to Billy Wayne Davis & The Comic Bots 10/14-call 615-269-0221 & say facebook for yours! http://bit.ly/1A0QKL #
• RT @nsup Billy Wayne Davis, @ChadRiden, Mark @Anundson – NO ROBOTS! 7:30pm @ZaniesNashville – FREE tickets: 615-269-0221 & say Facebook #
• Fun times at @ZaniesNashville 2nite, as always. Thanks to B-dub, @Anundson, @JoelWilson17 for video support & all the Rastas who showed up! #
• I just threw a handful of Liberty hops into a boiling kettle of E.J. Phair’s Rye Beer. LIBERTY! Suck on that, Osama! #
• 395 Twitter followers! That #CHADRIDEN1K train can.. not.. be.. stopped. BUT it can be delayed. Sorry for the wait, everybody. #
• RIP Captain Lou Albano! I now put a rubber band in my beard in your honor, sir. http://adjix.com/mcse #
• Seen in a bathroom last night: “For a good time, call SouthStreet comedy club in Jackson, TN this weekend.” http://ping.fm/aMDah #
• Anytime you plan on staring at the sun for a while, it’s just smart to take a few precautions: http://adjix.com/vskj #
• in the yard, trying to convince Callia to just get in the damn balloon. #

• BEHOLD! Good tidings of great joy! Jesus Appears In My Spaghetti – http://ping.fm/LvLvv #
• I love my wifera. She's beautiful, she's wonderful, she's perfect. L O V E M Y W I F E R A. Suck it, everybody else. #
• The frigging President of the United States is on Letterman. If you had told me in 1983 that would happen someday I would have stared at you #
• No idea what Gossip Girl is, but "fagtards" sounds appropriate. @redban dudes I know are "Gossip Girl" watchers… you sirs, are fagtards! #
• Dave Letterman is telling a story about being shitfaced! If you don't tivo his show every night, you, sir, are a GAT DERN FOOL. #
• NOTE: I currently have a kegerator full of Belgian Saison. I also have both a child and cunty neighbors. I share beer with everybody else. #
• My wifera saw my "cunty neighbors" comment and wanted to know what happened. No big incident.. it's just fun to say. There r good ones, too. #
• Maggie Serota just coined the (word? phrase?) "ChuckleFuckers" in this interview with Greg Giraldo http://tinyurl.com/mfw9mr via @comedynews #
• re: "ChuckleFuckers" – I vote for full adoption of this to our comedy nomenclature. http://tinyurl.com/mfw9mr #chucklefuckers #
• Introducing Granny McSassy-Pants: http://ping.fm/heR1D #
• TN rastas – I'll be in in Nashville @ Zanies Thursday night & @ Music City Bar & Grill Friday night & @ the Hi-Tone in Memphis Sunday. #
• awesome. RT @comedynews Hooray! You know what to do, errbody: RT @peeweeherman I'm back! Follow Pee-wee! #peewee #
• RN's have THE BEST stories. Plus, their stories are all *illegal*. Just by talking about work, they're violating HIPAA laws.. extra naughty! #
• I started this morning off by killing a mouse by punching it. The cat caught it & let it loose & I just reacted. #
• I don't know if you've ever punched a mouse to death before, but it makes you think about the possibility of rage issues. #
• Behind me, Callia said, "I love ALL creatures great and small and I think we should just let it go." So I tossed the corpse into the woods. #
• Heartwarming stories like "punching a mouse to death" and more! Tonight, 7:30pm at Zanies Nashville! $12. http://ping.fm/tkfLh #
• RT @zaniesnashville 4 FREE tix @ 7:30PM call 615-269-0221-say twitter & RT this deal- BEST OF NASHVILLE: TC COPE, CHAD RIDEN & LAHNA TURNER #
• RT @nsup The I Have No Friends Comedy Contest – 9pm @ Music City Bar & Grill; 2416 Music Valley Dr. http://links.comedynews.org/kx4a #
• I'm supposed to bring one of the dogs to Callia's school this afternoon. The chances of this being a complete disaster is very, very high. #

k

• @ chuck e cheese. Tim Wilson's song is funnier when you're NOT here. #
• New website! Stuff coming soon! Or not! Who knows. http://ping.fm/CXEup #
• Doug Stanhope indirectly kept me out of jail and Bonnaroo traffic http://ping.fm/ms0×7 #
• at least I'll be easier to avoid.. RT @wrongforum @ChadRiden Liking the new design. It'll be great to have all your info in one place again! #
• Thanks and stuff! How's my sweet home, Chicago? RT @BenBergman @ChadRiden Enjoyed blog from your website. #
• My life is like a weird combination of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "The Dukes Of Hazzard" starring Robert Englund's goofy clone. #
• Jay Leno IS dvr-proof! He isn't on my TiVo and won't be any time soon. #
• RT @thecomicscomic Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Except when it's plagiarism. Or joke theft. if you RT this I'd be flattered. #
• coffee in hand, fresh keg of beer in the kegerator, Police Academy 2 on Comedy Central. life could not possibly be better. #