• RT @reggiewatts A soul patch is as if Hitler’s mustache moved downstairs. // i call it “the inverted Hitler” #
• I’m busy all day today with the post-Father’s Day wrap-up paperwork. I have to make sure everyone gets proper credit for their efforts. #
• At Home Depot playing “Long Hair Dude? Or Flat Chested Hippie Chick?” (@ Home Depot) http://4sq.com/cd6Nnh #
• RT @JesseIsTerrific Too hot to grill. That’s just wrong. // Nonsense! I battled the elements without fear and the steaks were delicious. #
• Gen. Stanley McChrystal drinks Bud Light Lime. The terrorists have already won. http://ping.fm/07or1 #
• Why line up for iPhones like cattle when you will be able to walk into the store and buy one tonight or tomorrow with no wait? #
• RT @TheComedyStore: Leno has Lower ratings Than Conan Did – Well done, NBC! http://tumblr.com/xb2c3rirf // suck it, Leno! #
• Knoxville, I’ve missed your skank ass. See you again in September. #

• this is my favorite photo so far from the whole BP oil spill fiasco: http://ping.fm/ROXJj #
• someone just asked me if there are any stand-up open mic’s at Bonnaroo. Of course there are. Absolutely. See you there! #
• you know it’s a good meal when the aftermath looks like a pagan sacrifice took place. http://ping.fm/zg1Ut #
• Somebody just puked in the pool. Way to ruin it for everybody, kid. #
• I wanted a cold beer. I envisioned a cold beer. I manifested a cold beer. mmmm. http://ping.fm/JMYEu #
• RT @cnnbrk Rig survivors: BP ordered shortcut on day of blast http://on.cnn.com/b6JPul // way to go, jackasses #
• RT @cnnbrk BP says it’ll donate sales of oil skimmed from surface of Gulf to wildlife fund http://on.cnn.com/cY13TN // slow, sarcastic clap #
• Wed, I’ll be doing 30 minutes of hilarious pre-Bonnaroo comedy at Wingaroo: http://ping.fm/TEx3n #
• I only have two things: my friends and my thermos. #
• Tonight @ Wingeroo! 6:30pm Wingers Grill and Bar; 138 Relco Drive; Manchester, TN 37355 – come on over, hippies / hipsters! #
• Show was delayed due to rain.. We’ll get started in a few. Come on over hippies, I can smell you. I know you’re here. http://4sq.com/9HbomR #
• I-24 West @ exit 110 – ramp is a parking lot. Interstate traffic still flowing. #
• Just drank two beers on @conanobrien ‘s tab (!) – thanks @reggiewatts and @stuckeymurray – have fun on the rest of your tours. #
• RT @JerriBlank: Submit your life-altering choice and I promise to be glib! // I want to look cooler. What body part should I get amputated? #
• @RobertWeedman @bdonahueweedman are you two sitting next to each other, communicating via Twitter? #
• two shows tonight and two shows tomorrow in Johnson City, TN – let’s keep it classy, East Tennessee. http://ping.fm/QF8Yh #
• RT @BryanMills Where are your shows in JC? // Comedy Zone @ the holiday inn; 101 W. Springbrook Drive; Johnson City, TN 37604 – 8 & 10pm #
• I just missed my exit because I was steering with my knee, writing jokes about computer operating systems.. ’cause I’m smart! #
• SCRATCH in Johnson City, TN: The best pizza in all of east Tennessee, hands down.. And plenty of good music on vinyl. stock up on chocolate sydneys, or you’ve failed. #

• According to Twitter I’m supposed to be watching the #goldenglobes? The thought never occured to me. #
• too cruel? RT @comedynews: Jay Leno is a joke robot on auto-pilot with zero self-awareness | Las Vegas Sun http://tinyurl.com/yb5fqh3 #
• Jay Leno did NOT seem like a “nice guy.” Am I the only person who was paying attention 1992-3? Also, his show has ALWAYS been terrible. YES. #
• http://twitpic.com/yre75 – Jay Leno is the cicada of ruining late night tv. #
• Return of the Jedi? // RT @shanagallery http://twitpic.com/yuh0p -Newish painting, 16″ x 16″. untitled at the moment but taking suggestions. #


The result of my alien encounter.

• Callia was late to school. Signing her in, I had to write down the reason so I wrote, “ALIENS!” Not even a smile from them! C’mon.. #
• I’ll be hanging around NYC mid-March. I can’t wait to get back to the city that never lets me sleep! http://ping.fm/InecY #
• masturbating bear! #TEAMCONAN #
• I’m With Dipshit! #TeamDipshit http://ping.fm/S3KOL #
• The All-White Basketball League?! Good luck with that, Crackas. http://ping.fm/beYHc #
• I know tonight is kinda Conan’s night, but can we get #TeamDipshit to trend? No? Fair enough. http://ping.fm/S3KOL #
• tonight I’m hosting the “I HAVE NO FRIENDS” stand-up comedy contest at Music City Bar & Grill in Nashville: http://adjix.com/saks @nsup #
• So what happens when Jay Leno’s “new” Tonight Show fails? Who takes over the show when he leaves? ..are we closer to Bill Hicks’ prediction? #

Show the world whose side you’re on!

Feel free to use wherever you like (twitter/facebook/blogs/etc) for non-commercial purposes.

- Chad Riden

There are now rallies scheduled nationwide! For more info Click here!

I’m With Dipshit

• I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, with the utmost sincerity.. SUCK IT, LENO! He’s like the cicada of ruining late night tv. #
• if nobody EVER talked to me about sports again, it’d still be too damn soon. How ’bout them Idle Conversations, huh? HELLUVA SEASON. #
• Kudos to Conan for standing up for himself, AND considering what is “fair to Jimmy Fallon”. If only Leno thought of anyone but himself.. #



• TEAM CONAN! #teamconan (even though I watch Dave Letterman live every night possible & catch conan later) #
• Fantastic I’m with COCO image // RT @carynloveless: http://www.sirmikeofmitchell.com/imwithcoco/ #
• just did an interview for the fine people at CandidCareer.com – I hope I wasn’t too candid about my “career” telling wacky poop jokes. #
• Today, I gotta be honest: I’m not feelin’ you. I hope you get your shit together and shape up into an awesome Tonight, otherwise we’re thru. #
• Dick Ebersol has the balls to talk shiz about Conan O’Brien? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t he the twat that ruined SNL from 1980-85? #
• just above my bedroom in the wall somewhere.. my house makes a noise like a hammer tapping a 2×4.. every 5 seconds or so off and on all day. #
• people say the noise is air in the hot water pipes, pipes about to burst, and/or Recurrent Spontaneous PsychoKinesis (gh-gh-gh-ghosts!) #
• I’m not sure which is worse: farty plumbing? slowly exploding house? or a mildly annoying poltergeist? #
• maybe I can get @JoeSouthards to bring his ghostbusters tricorder over and scan the house thetan level (or whatever). #