Jul 17 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-17

twitter | July 17, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • Callia and I are the only gringos at my Mexican neighbors’ birthday bbq and it’s pretty awesome. More Petrone? Si, por favor! #
  • RT @NateWaltBills: @comedynews love the site/twitter/i dunno what it is but its awesome // love you back. (“it” is @ChadRiden+php+free time) #
  • Consumer Fraud Alert! Wendy’s “boneless chicken wings” are nothing more than nuggets in wing sauce. #
  • federal appeals court tells the FCC to fuck off: http://ping.fm/sOkOi #
  • I’ll be at Spanky’s tonight, Brick House Bar wed, @zaniesnashville thurs, Buford, GA @varietytheater fri-sat: http://tinyurl.com/ChadRiden #
  • RT @DalaiLama: Despite philosophical differences, all major world religions have the same potential to create good human beings. // none? #
  • BP is doing “integrity tests” on the well?! How about integrity tests for BP? AmIrightpeople? #
  • Started my morning routine about 12 hours late. Better late than never? or screw it & try again tomorrow? #
  • just in case you missed Dave Letterman in a human sized hamster ball last night on @Late_Show: http://links.comedynews.org/zqha #
  • Ate a dick at Zanies tonight. Not on stage, off the menu.. I had deep fried dick-n-balls and fries. Spicy! Still, I prefer the French dip. #
  • RT @tndotcom It’s Friday and you want a great beer; which bar in town do you visit to get a tasty brew? // 3 crow, gold rush, flying saucer #
  • Come tonight and you’ll want to return tomorrow. (@ Buford Variety Theater) http://4sq.com/beCc2V #
  • I’ve seen a million faces! and I’ve kinda disappointed them all. Cause I’m not a cowboy.. In a ghetto sled I ride.. #
Jul 10 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-10

twitter | July 10, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • all my best stories are either pending court cases.. or can’t be told until the statute of limitations runs out.. or are totally forgotten. #
  • Having kids in your house is like having an infestation of rats. They chew up your stuff, build little nests, are impossible to get rid of. #
  • ..unless you set up traps and use rat poison. That usually does the trick. #
  • Jogging is better on the Wii Fit.. ’cause in real life you never run past Hitler, Chuck Norris, Darth Vader, Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg. #
  • apparently all you have to do is mention Chuck Norris and @ChuckNorriz will follow you. I “auto-follow” porn stars and SEO/marketing douches #
  • I have to watch ‘Louis’ on F/X all by myself because Laura says “it hits too close to home” for her to enjoy it. Thanks @louisck #
  • @JesseIsTerrific nope.. she decided that after seeing the pilot episode. So you see, I have to watch ‘Louis’ on F/X all by myself… #
  • Sadly, David Letterman’s @Late_Show is in reruns this week. Here’s my Top 10 Signs You’re Obsessed With The Late Show: #
  • 10. Your strict “no-talking during the show” policy includes commercial breaks and a 5-minute post show “cool down.” @Late_Show #
  • 9. During lovemaking, you scream “Who Asked For It?” @Late_Show #
  • 8. Bill DeLace recognizes your face and name. / You know who Bill DeLace is. (tie) @Late_Show #
  • 7. You reenact the show every morning with homemade Paul and Dave dolls. @Late_Show #
  • 6. You’re still holding a candle-light vigil for the return of Pea Boy. @Late_Show #
  • 5. Your apartment is known as “The Dave Cave,” but your name isn’t Dave. @Late_Show #
  • 4. Constantly on alt.fan.letterman, arguing the historical significance of Peggy The Foul Mouthed Chambermaid. @Late_Show #
  • 3. The centerpiece of your shrine for Chris Elliott is a giant jar containing Chris Elliott. @Late_Show #
  • 2. All you ever wear is double-breasted suits and your Larry “Bud” Melman pajamas. @Late_Show #
  • 1. After all these years, you’re still searching for Dave’s erotic blog. @Late_Show #
  • Callia’s first concert: “Weird” Al Yankovic. Awesome! (@ Tennessee Theatre w/ @supercatmatt) http://4sq.com/6cKjA2 #
  • I’m still waiting for the very first time any athlete effects my life in any real way whatsoever [rolling eyes, making jerk off hand motion] #
Jul 03 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-03

twitter | July 3, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • Tonight @zaniesnashville w/ tim northern & Chelsea Lately’s Josh Wolf -Call 615.269.0221 #
  • I’m not SURE about this, but I *might* have driven a car down a stairwell last Thursday night in Knoxville. http://ping.fm/xDLQh #
  • RT @micahwhite RT @DeadlineTV: Leno’s ‘Tonight Show’ Has Lowest Rated Quarter Since Letterman Went To CBS http://bit.ly/aHYmcT // ha ha ha! #
  • Mel Gibson is about to get verbally raped by a pack of comedians.. http://bit.ly/am8xHL #
  • RT @tomdelfino Thanks again for letting us run you over with a lawn mower and toss you down some stairs. // any time! Can’t wait to see it. #
Mar 27 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-03-27

twitter | March 27, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • Ear buds were not designed to stay in my wacky Horton-esque ears. #
  • I prefer his southern counterpart “Chicken Wang” // RT @hannibalburess: #badblackcomedynames chicken wing #
  • Then you’re following the wrong people // RT @micahwhite: Every response to #hcr I’ve read from the South has been ridiculous. in reply to micahwhite #
  • hard line partisan people can suck it. #
  • Doing my Last Comic Standing audition this afternoon. Wish me luck.. or at least a healthy dose of “not to suck”. #
  • Shot down! Good luck to everybody else. #
  • They laughed at my jokes, which is unusual, but I didn’t make it thru. Now I’m just hoping I’m not on the douchebag reel. #
  • Natasha said no, in so many words, and I said “that’s terrible!” then nice words from Giraldo #
  • Greg Giraldo laughed and said not to take it hard.. and Andy Kindler and I had a fun back and forth. Then I retired forever from comedy. #
  • Say a guy was in Chinatown, looking to buy 3-4 live baby turtles. Anybody got any leads? My iPhone searches are fruitless. #
  • Word on the street is Mott and Canal, old lady street vendors. I’m walking around doing turtle calls in the best Chinese I can fake. #
  • So far.. just hats, handbags, restaurants and shady “back rub, foot massage” parlors down creepy cellar stairwells. No thanks, ma’am. #
  • Stopped in at Carolines to see Nate Bargatze do a set and following him was Darryl Hammond! Awesome. #
  • About to do a set at broadway comedy club. #
  • I ate a $37 cheeseburger tonight and drank a few hundred dollars worth of booze. Thanks Crazy Person from the audience at Carolines! #
  • Could today have possibly gone better? well, yeah, sure.. But why bitch when my shittiest day here is still mf’ing awesome. #
  • @NashvillePlaces actually that was at the Plaza hotel in NYC http://www.fairmont.com/theplaza in reply to NashvillePlaces #
  • thanks! who should I share my cogratulations with? Jeebus? // RT @Anundson: @ChadRiden hey cogratulations on getting an invite! #
  • RT @wrongforum @ChadRiden This made me think of you: http://bit.ly/8XmN2a – a picture of Santa Claus on the moon puking up a rainbow bridge #
  • @wrongforum no, it’s NOT, you LIAR! but that IS awesome. I’ve had a funny-boner for that video all day long. Funny-Boner, everybody. #
  • it’s a deal. and you can buy me that big ass sammich you owe me. // RT @Anundson: @ChadRiden maybe you can buy me a taco or something. #
  • I’m not the only one who would love to see this made into a full length feature: http://bit.ly/8XmN2a Awesome x Hilarious = Hilawesomeious! #
  • if they start letting women have access to health care, I’m leaving the country. #
  • last night I lost my bag of all four Sergio Aragones’ GROO: The Hogs Of Horder comics during a drunken rampage thru the Plaza Hotel. BOO. #
  • small-ish crowd tonight at the EastVille Comedy Club, but I had fun. I came out of retirement to talk about LCS and my $38.87 cheeseburger. #
  • Before the show I stopped in at The Plaza concierge desk and told the woman my little sob story about losing my GROO comics & left my card. #
  • as the show was ending, Christina from the Plaza called to say they found my bag of comics! She was as excited about it as I was. YEAY #
  • ytcracker’s NES: NerdRap Entertainment System is infinitely awesome and FREE! Get it, nerds: http://ping.fm/qgviT @realytcracker #
  • RT @KeithAlberstadt: Found a bag of lame comic books at The Plaza so I turned em back in. // Applesnatch, you are a liar, liar, liar #
  • why does this Justin Bieber kids on Letterman have dudes for backup dancers? GDit I hate music. #
  • tonight’s my last show in NYC: Haiku at One and One, 8pm w Abbi Crutchfield, Joe DeRosa.. http://ping.fm/e3kOR #
Dec 26 2009
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-26

twitter | December 26, 2009 at 9:59 am
  • Watching David Letterman try to knock his Christmas tree down with a motorized cupcake http://bit.ly/8ta0ur @Late_Show #
  • You missed it! Next one is 1/22 // RT @daynise @ChadRiden See you at the “I HAVE NO FRIENDS COMEDY SHOW” http://tinyurl.com/nofriends-1-2010 #
  • I almost said to my 6-year-old: “Come on, you’re acting like a little kid!” *almost*. #
  • Last night, Callia said, “Daddy, it’s HARD taking care of a child.” “How do you know?” “*I’m* a child. I can tell.” #
  • Finished off the keg of Longshot ’96 Hazelnut Brown Ale. Impatiently waiting on my Old Rasputin Imperial Stout clone to finish fermenting. #
  • Merry Christmas! Happy Jew-time! Kooky Kwanzaa! Funky Festivus! ..or whatever the hell it is you celebrate, enjoy it. #
  • setting up the Santa snare. I think this is the year we finally snag that sum-bitch. #