Jul 03 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-07-03

twitter | July 3, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • Tonight @zaniesnashville w/ tim northern & Chelsea Lately’s Josh Wolf -Call 615.269.0221 #
  • I’m not SURE about this, but I *might* have driven a car down a stairwell last Thursday night in Knoxville. http://ping.fm/xDLQh #
  • RT @micahwhite RT @DeadlineTV: Leno’s ‘Tonight Show’ Has Lowest Rated Quarter Since Letterman Went To CBS http://bit.ly/aHYmcT // ha ha ha! #
  • Mel Gibson is about to get verbally raped by a pack of comedians.. http://bit.ly/am8xHL #
  • RT @tomdelfino Thanks again for letting us run you over with a lawn mower and toss you down some stairs. // any time! Can’t wait to see it. #
Jun 26 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-06-26

twitter | June 26, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • RT @reggiewatts A soul patch is as if Hitler’s mustache moved downstairs. // i call it “the inverted Hitler” #
  • I’m busy all day today with the post-Father’s Day wrap-up paperwork. I have to make sure everyone gets proper credit for their efforts. #
  • At Home Depot playing “Long Hair Dude? Or Flat Chested Hippie Chick?” (@ Home Depot) http://4sq.com/cd6Nnh #
  • RT @JesseIsTerrific Too hot to grill. That’s just wrong. // Nonsense! I battled the elements without fear and the steaks were delicious. #
  • Gen. Stanley McChrystal drinks Bud Light Lime. The terrorists have already won. http://ping.fm/07or1 #
  • Why line up for iPhones like cattle when you will be able to walk into the store and buy one tonight or tomorrow with no wait? #
  • RT @TheComedyStore: Leno has Lower ratings Than Conan Did – Well done, NBC! http://tumblr.com/xb2c3rirf // suck it, Leno! #
  • Knoxville, I’ve missed your skank ass. See you again in September. #
Jan 23 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-23

twitter | January 23, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • According to Twitter I’m supposed to be watching the #goldenglobes? The thought never occured to me. #
  • too cruel? RT @comedynews: Jay Leno is a joke robot on auto-pilot with zero self-awareness | Las Vegas Sun http://tinyurl.com/yb5fqh3 #
  • Jay Leno did NOT seem like a “nice guy.” Am I the only person who was paying attention 1992-3? Also, his show has ALWAYS been terrible. YES. #
  • http://twitpic.com/yre75 – Jay Leno is the cicada of ruining late night tv. #
  • Return of the Jedi? // RT @shanagallery http://twitpic.com/yuh0p -Newish painting, 16″ x 16″. untitled at the moment but taking suggestions. #

    • The result of my alien encounter.

  • Callia was late to school. Signing her in, I had to write down the reason so I wrote, “ALIENS!” Not even a smile from them! C’mon.. #
  • I’ll be hanging around NYC mid-March. I can’t wait to get back to the city that never lets me sleep! http://ping.fm/InecY #
  • masturbating bear! #TEAMCONAN #
  • I’m With Dipshit! #TeamDipshit http://ping.fm/S3KOL #
  • The All-White Basketball League?! Good luck with that, Crackas. http://ping.fm/beYHc #
  • I know tonight is kinda Conan’s night, but can we get #TeamDipshit to trend? No? Fair enough. http://ping.fm/S3KOL #
  • tonight I’m hosting the “I HAVE NO FRIENDS” stand-up comedy contest at Music City Bar & Grill in Nashville: http://adjix.com/saks @nsup #
  • So what happens when Jay Leno’s “new” Tonight Show fails? Who takes over the show when he leaves? ..are we closer to Bill Hicks’ prediction? #
Jan 16 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-01-16

twitter | January 16, 2010 at 10:59 am
    jay_leno-cicada

  • I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, with the utmost sincerity.. SUCK IT, LENO! He’s like the cicada of ruining late night tv. #
  • if nobody EVER talked to me about sports again, it’d still be too damn soon. How ’bout them Idle Conversations, huh? HELLUVA SEASON. #
  • Kudos to Conan for standing up for himself, AND considering what is “fair to Jimmy Fallon”. If only Leno thought of anyone but himself.. #

    • imwithcoco

  • TEAM CONAN! #teamconan (even though I watch Dave Letterman live every night possible & catch conan later) #
  • Fantastic I’m with COCO image // RT @carynloveless: http://www.sirmikeofmitchell.com/imwithcoco/ #
  • just did an interview for the fine people at CandidCareer.com – I hope I wasn’t too candid about my “career” telling wacky poop jokes. #
  • Today, I gotta be honest: I’m not feelin’ you. I hope you get your shit together and shape up into an awesome Tonight, otherwise we’re thru. #
  • Dick Ebersol has the balls to talk shiz about Conan O’Brien? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t he the twat that ruined SNL from 1980-85? #
  • just above my bedroom in the wall somewhere.. my house makes a noise like a hammer tapping a 2×4.. every 5 seconds or so off and on all day. #
  • people say the noise is air in the hot water pipes, pipes about to burst, and/or Recurrent Spontaneous PsychoKinesis (gh-gh-gh-ghosts!) #
  • I’m not sure which is worse: farty plumbing? slowly exploding house? or a mildly annoying poltergeist? #
  • maybe I can get @JoeSouthards to bring his ghostbusters tricorder over and scan the house thetan level (or whatever). #
Oct 24 2009
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-10-24

twitter | October 24, 2009 at 10:59 am
  • Awesome. RT: @alyankovic http://twitpic.com/mdmh7 – My wife and I do everything together. #
  • has a $600+ speeding ticket from Turner County, GA. No f#@&ing way that’s getting paid. WTF am I supposed to do? Not pay the mortgage? #
  • [ChadRiden.com] Never made this: “Pull My Finger” http://adjix.com/w4pj #
  • I’ll be stomping thru GA like Sherman the first week of November, doing a run of random shows. Please tell friends: http://adjix.com/kru5 #
  • is too legit to quit #
  • My mom just called and asked me about Quintessons. I wish I’d recorded the conversation. http://ping.fm/6ZDxx #
  • scheduling myself for a 5pm bourbonoscopy. (via @lgu) #
  • Ha ha! RT @birbigs “Jeff Dunham breaks ComedyCentral ratings records” http://bit.ly/4hSowj in other news, comedy is reportedly broken. #
  • Not me, man. F-that show. RT @jdsteinhauser @ChadRiden I saw that shit! I want to see the show now just to see how bad it is. #
  • Jeff Dunham show is dumb, racist, homophobic, ignorant & lowest common denominator.. of course it’s a huge mf’in success. #idiocracy #
  • Naturally, if he called me tomorrow with a paycheck, i’d be happy to cash it.. & he’d instantly be a legendary, visionary genius. #
  • I feel like I’m piling on to someone who was tackled a long time ago by badmouthing the Jeff Dunham Show. I don’t like badmouthing comics. #
  • I’ve met Dunham a few times and he couldn’t be a nicer guy, but Jesus Herbert Christmas The Third I can’t stand to watch that show. #
  • It’s like when Carlos Mencia had a show. My non-comic friends all LOVED it. I wanted to rip my brain out of my skull and set it on fire. #
  • Joke I used to do: “I saw a promo on Comedy Central that said, ‘What’s inside the Mind of Mencia?’ Uh, I don’t know.. other people’s jokes?” #
  • Again, I feel like I’m jumping on the bandwagon by crapping on Carlos Mencia. It’s been done.. by comics way better at it than me. #
  • Of course, I’ve been saying Jay Leno’s show sucked infected donkey ass for 19 years now. Everybody else just now seem to have realized that? #
  • #CHADRIDEN1K started on Oct. 8 with 388 followers. I’m now at 398! Slow down, everybody.. we don’t want to blow Twitter up. #