Aug 07 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-08-07

twitter | August 7, 2010 at 6:59 pm

  • This just in! Kanye West twittered something CRAAAAZY! (fart) #
  • thanks to the team at Riden Auto, I now have a car fueled by the urine of the homeless. #
  • ladies, “that’s what HE said” is NOT necessarily interchangeable with “that’s what SHE said” #thatswhatHEsaid #
  • “just the tip” #thatswhatHEsaid #
  • True, “everything happens for a reason” – but sometimes that reason is “because Daddy drinks.” #
May 22 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-05-22

twitter | May 22, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • the sensation of a tick crawling on your ass is unmistakable.. but you’re guaranteed to think you feel it again when you’re trying to sleep. #
  • if I’m going to beat @aplusk & @britneyspears to 5 Million followers I think I’m going to need a good old “Colbert Bump” from @StephenAtHome #
  • This just in: all the tv networks announced their lineups of crappy new shows they’ll cancel as soon as they air. Tune in! #
  • Dear Ted Turner, Cartoon Network should spin off a second channel called NOT Cartoon Network for all these shitty live action kids shows. #
  • totally pissed that I’m missing #davecon10 – @billlehecka & @micahwhite – please tell everybody in attendance that I said, “suck it.” #
  • Megan Fox won’t be in Transformers 3!? Where will they find another actress with the acting chops to fill the “generic hot girl” role? #
  • Every time I pack a school lunch for Callia I think about how funny it’d be to replace her drink box with a can of beer. Criminal, but funny #
  • @TheNashvillian & @bdonahueweedman – I don’t have any idea what’s going on in Nashville comedy, but @NSup & @NashvilleComedy sure does. #
  • just imagining Callia’s frustration cracks me up. She’d pick up the can of beer, look at it and scream “DADDY!” and be pissed. ha ha ha. #
  • I’m probably psychotic for finding joy in that, but just knowing how irritated she’d be with me is hilarious. #
  • then there’s the school freaking the hell out. that’s a whole other level of awesome. then the police show up and the laughing stops. #
  • I’m at Your Mom’s House (cheaney glen drive, Old lebanon dirt road, Hermitage). http://4sq.com/dq4Uhk #
  • Mohammad Draws Mohammad and gives the thumbs-up for “Everybody Draw Mohammad Day” …so… it’s totally ok now: http://ping.fm/Pskec #
  • OMG errbody, I can’t wait for the LOST finale! I don’t know what show to obsess over next.. maybe Gilmore Girls? NO, that would be stupid. #
  • RT @cklouis I have a great idea how 2 plug the oil leak in the gulf of mexico.kick sarah palin right in her stupid vagina.Then plug the leak #
Apr 03 2010
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-04-03

twitter | April 3, 2010 at 6:59 pm
  • Today is my parents 40th wedding anniversary, apparently. I had no idea.. It’s not MY marriage. #
  • Watching the first episode of Knight Rider. Netflix on the Wii is awesomer than I thought it would be. Good job, guys. #
  • 5 gallon bucket of Chad Riden's muskFYI, my musk is for sale on http://www.ChadRiden.com in quantities ranging from 8oz bottles to 5 gallon buckets. Enjoy. #
  • The only way Ricky Martin could possibly have been more obviously gay over all these years is if he were a Republican congressman. #
  • bored. looking to start a twitter fight with someone. who wants to throw down? #
  • @reppocs always smells like Cheetos and lotion // RT @reppocs: @ChadRiden You’re pretty stupid, Chad. // nuh-uh! in reply to reppocs #
  • @reppocs sorry if I missed any zingers from you this afternoon. like the rest of the world, I wasn’t paying attention to anything you say. #
  • I know font snobs will throw a fit, but can someone rationally explain to me exactly what is so bad about Comic Sans? #
Dec 12 2009
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-12

twitter | December 12, 2009 at 9:59 am
  • Washing and drying a few loads of snuggies, slankets and bariatric slipper socks. #
  • RT @toddbarry: My favorite part of getting the Sunday NY times: throwing out the Sports section. #
  • “Osama Bin Laden has never touched a dime of his Al Qaeda money, living entirely off of his stand-up income.” Late Show fun fact 10/9/2009 #
  • RT @Anundson: Chad Riden and Jesse Perry live in studio on Tues Dec 8th 8-9am WRVU 91.1. The final Get Up Stand Up! streaming @ wrvu.org #
  • #CHADRIDEN1K started on Oct. 8 with 388 followers. I’m now at 414. I’m starting to think we’re not on track to hit 1,000 by NYE, everybody. #
  • Remember my pledge to donate ONE THOUSAND pennies to charity if I get 1,000 followers by the end of 2009!? C’mon, Twitter.. where’s your <3? #
  • IT’S FOR CHARITY, people. Surely we can find 586 twitter users who like random, passive-agressive jackassery? Tell a friend: #CHADRIDEN1K #
  • Uh, oh. I’m getting all retrospective-y on 2009.. I only kinda remember what I did this year, so I’ll mark it down as a success. #
  • In 2010, I’ll continue my quest for more & better quality of everything, but will settle for whatever and be satisfied with none of it. #
  • Callia and I tastefully decorated the house last night. My lovely wifera just said, “it looks like Christmas threw up in here.” #
  • Woke up thinking WWJD?, so we’re sitting around the fireplace drinking whiskey & singing ironically anti-semitic lyrics to Christmas tunes. #
  • Endorsement – Dr. Bamford’s NO SOAP™ http://ping.fm/ESu0h #
  • RT @Anundson was just informed I am not welcome back on WRVU, seven hours after I announced I wouldn’t be back. another bridge burned #wrvu #
  • Jim Hayes, Assistant Director of Student Media/Broadcasting at Vanderbilt University, is a giant dildo. (it’s not libel if it’s true!) #wrvu #
  • Once again, telling Callia that old story about the time I got into a gunfight with Santa Claus. (Don’t hate on me, he started it.) #
  • actually it was TG2:EB2: Electric Boogaloo’er! // RT @themightychuck @GeoffBreedwell Chad just celebrated Thanksgiving 2 Electric Boogaloo #
  • Dear Internet, could I please have more shitty Tiger Woods jokes? I can’t get enough of ‘em! I just know they’ll stand the test of time.. #
  • ha! David Letterman’s first message on twitter: RT @Late_Show Do you smell veal and peppers? // yes, Dave. Yes, I do. #
  • judging from the evidence I’ve gathered in and around my bathroom, last night I brushed my teeth with A+D diaper rash cream. #
  • the anchor on CNN just said, “electriZZZity.” could someone around Atlanta please punch her in the face for me? ty #
  • Callia brought home her first Kwanzaa related school work today. mat? fruit? candles? ears of corn? unity cup? gifts? we’re converting. #
  • Project: Scientology Sucks (a video prank contest) – cash prizes! I want to do this: http://ping.fm/qHrJz #
  • I just try to steal their hearts. // RT @Grimeys: it makes me cry when you steal from us @Grimeys… just so you know (via @NashvilleCream) #
  • I feel sorry for the people who hate the USA but love Lee Greenwood. #
Dec 05 2009
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Twitter Weekly Updates for 2009-12-05

twitter | December 5, 2009 at 9:59 am
  • I just generated my #TweetCloud out of a year of my tweets. Top three words: tonight, comedy, night – http://w33.us/2kit #
  • http://twitpic.com/rpdom – The Reindeer toilet. If this is in your house, I hate you. #
  • It’s childish, I know.. but I snicker every time the CNN anchor says, “Cyber Monday.” Cyber-anything = “cyber-spanking it” in my mind. #
  • You’re all invited to “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo” – dinner & break-dancing movies tonight at my house: http://adjix.com/xbvq #
  • Turkeys are cheap if you buy em the day after Thanksgiving. The bird is in the oven! The kegerator is full of Paulaner Hefe-Weizen! #
  • AND after the meal, we’ll be gathering around the tv to watch the break dancing cinematic classics Breakin’ and Breakin’ 2. #
  • (I hate sports, so this is what we do instead of watching football or whatever it is people do.) #
  • I KNOW we did the exact same thing Feb 25th, but “Electric Boogaloo” is too fun to say & “Thanksgiving 3: Electric Boogaloo” sounds stupid. #
  • Technically, this could be “Thanksgiving 4: The Quest For Peace” – but I don’t want to over think this. #
  • I know it’s late notice, but “planning” is for ass-hats. If you can’t make it for any reason, we’ll take that to mean you don’t love us. #
  • The E! Network interrupted the Punky Brewster ‘behind the whatever’ show with “breaking news” about Tiger Woods. Suck it, everybody at E! #
  • Thanks to everybody who came out for “Thanksgiving 2: Electric Boogaloo 2: Electric Boogaloo’er” last night. Turkey + booze + breakin = fun #
  • Random Chad Fact: I have an insane, irrational hatred for sports, athletic ability, and physical effort in general. #
  • Having tooled around with Google Wave for all of 7 minutes, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a failure and they should turn it off. #
  • Watching Maria Bamford’s free ONE HOUR HOMEMADE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL again. You should too: http://mariabamford.com #
  • Cash is great. I also take checks, paypal, cheese, beer and pictures, but leave only footprints & the scent of cheep booze & beef jerky. #
  • every news show on tv has turned into some retarded mix of Entertainment Tonight, Mtv News & the end of Planet of the Apes. #
  • my favorite thing on Twitter: random person says, “Get 1000′s of followers!” – then you click on their page and they’ve got 42 followers. #
  • I still view everything as a giant jocks vs. nerds struggle. I was in a bar this weekend and football was on tv.. #
  • ..someone asked me “who’s your team?” and I told them “I wish they ALL would lose.” You should have seen the confused stares. #