• Good point! I’ll write a show for my new character “Wacky McHacky” // RT @Kerry_White You need puppets and/or other comics’ material. Both? #
  • Just realized the comedy world and I have an abusive relationship. I imagine Lady Comedy crying to the cops, “but I loooovvvve himmm!” #
  • How in the world did MC Hammer go broke? Oh yeah.. http://bit.ly/zyEQ3 #
  • I don’t have a problem w/ Dunham I just hate his show // RT @Gabe138 no problems with Jeff Dunham, but Mencia’s and unfunny joke thief. #
  • I think the real swine flu National Emergency is that we HAVE a vaccine for it, but people are scared to get it. (?!?) #
  • Incredibly stupid, gullible, crappy parents outraged that “Baby Einstein” videos are not even slightly educational: http://adjix.com/n2i5 #
  • WHAT!? You’re telling me actual interaction with a child is better than plopping them down in front of a completely retarded video? Get out. #
  • another newsflash: When you talk baby talk to your child, you’re teaching them to talk like a baby. That’s why your 6 yr old sounds 3. #
  • I’m so hateful. “Hey parents! Your kids are stupid because you’re stupid. (sfx: fart)” #
  • Also, the soul patch is DONE. // RT @JoeNarvaez When are dudes with goatees going to realize they are stuck in the mid 90s? #
  • @JDFelip Man says, “You have to book my familys act. It’s incredible! We rape the audience!” “What do you call yourselves?” The Aristocrats! #
  • @lgu I’ve tried to bake a decent loaf of bread many, many times using many, many recipes & end up with nothing but bricks. WTF am I missing? #
  • A booker asked how clean I can be. I told him my range goes from “my 92 year old Lutheran grandma from ND is in the front row” to.. #
  • .. “the still-sticky stripper pole is the cleanest thing on the stage.” Will I get booked? Guess again. #
  • Now that I think of it I’m not exactly sure how old grandma actually is, so that may not be completely true. #
  • Grandma & my mom curse, but they do it like this: horse-feathers! fish sticks! for Pete’s sake! I tell ‘em God knows what they really mean. #
  • Whenever poker comes on tv I think “OH SHIT, did I just watch Carson Daly?!” #
  • I saw a website that sells chocolate covered bacon. Sorry boys, no sales from me. I think I’ve figured out the secret recipe: choc. + bacon? #
  • bake or fry your bacon. melt chocolate chips. run bacon thru the choc., chill it in the fridge for a few. could be the greatest thing ever. #
  • WTF, everybody? C’mon now.. #
  • If there’s any one thing idiotic loudmouth dildos love, it’s other idiotic loudmouth dildos. #
  • I got to see Kevin Nealon wed, Lewis Black last night, the Music City Bar & Grill show tonight, Satan Day tomorrow.. it’s been a fun week. #