• Several houses have opened the door to say “we have no candy.” Go to the store! Today’s the day you need candy. #
  • RT @DougStanhope The cost of being honest about the obvious…http://bit.ly/2s0zkt #
  • I never book shows on Halloween. What, like I’m going to let my 6-year-old daughter dress up like “Sexy Satan” and NOT be there?! #
  • Happy Dia de los Muertos, errbody! (That’s “Day of the Dead”, Gringo.) #
  • Oprah:”tip 10%”, ensures shitty service 4 self at every restaurant forever: http://bit.ly/3MB9Rd #serversVSoprah #
  • Even if the “tip 10%” thing is a hoax.. can I still have insane, irrational hatred for Oprah for no reason? #
  • Oprah used the head of a midget as a cup holder.. all for charity. (via Random Celebrity Rumor Generator) http://tinyurl.com/CelebRumor #
  • Oprah ran a meth lab with Mister Rogers before a throng of adoring fans.(via Random Celebrity Rumor Generator) http://tinyurl.com/CelebRumor #
  • Oprah snorted coke off the ass of a librarian and sold plans 2 Al Qaeda (via Random Celebrity Rumor Generator) http://tinyurl.com/CelebRumor #
  • Oprah called Britain ‘Gayland’ because the Bible says to. (via Random Celebrity Rumor Generator) http://tinyurl.com/CelebRumor #
  • Hey, I’m coming to GA wed-sun & i’m bringing a mouth full of funny with me. Hope to see you around town. http://tinyurl.com/yfm7k8b #
  • Just got a Facebook request to be some chick’s “barn buddy” – I don’t know what this means, but it sounds like my wife wouldn’t like it. #
  • Atlanta, GA! @ Laughing Skull Lounge at The Vortex Bar & Grill tonight, 8pm – FREE poisoned candy! plus my comedy http://tinyurl.com/yfm7k8b #
  • Laughing Skull Lounge was awesometastic. Now to the Buford Variety Theater.. #
  • The Long Island Lolita Amy Fisher is at the Pink Pony in ATL thurs #
  • ..and fri night. Screw MY shows, this’ll be hilarious. #
  • lou ferrigno (“the incredible hulk”) was Michael Jacksons personal trainer. That’s not a joke (yet). #
  • 9pm Tonight-Comedy Gold @ The Landmark Diner – Buckhead; 3652 Roswell Rd NW; Atlanta, GA 30305 404-816-9090 http://adjix.com/mutq #
  • Just walked into a nice, quiet coffee house.. spilled hot coffee all over my hand, and yelled “SHIT!” Hey Macon GA, Wacky McJackass is here! #
  • @Gabe138 I thought it was the one in 5points, but nope. Downtownish. It would help if Atlanta had 1 or 2 street names OTHER than Peachtree. in reply to Gabe138 #