NashvilleComedy.com

Instead of thanking people, I would use my acceptance speech time to tell people to "suck it." # News about comedy in Nigeria always give me the feeling that I'm being scam-spammed: "Basket Mouth" is # 2 http://links.comedynews.org/4rbi # RT @ mrseanpatton Bargatze, Scovel & I are buying a used cargo van for our upcoming tour. We have room! // see ya in [...]

The Tennessee Volunteers begin what promises to be a painful season tonight.  An inexperienced team with little depth, the first season of the Derek Dooley Era will almost certainly be a chore to sit through. However, one thing makes me feel better about this almost-certain debacle:  It’s football.  Sweet, precious, bone-crushing, life-affirming football.  I’d rather watch [...]

RT @ mostlycomedy Hey, the best of season one is up, featuring clips with @ PFTompkins, @ chadriden, & @ andysasshole http://mostlycomedy.com # ever want to see me be killed? watch "Death By Death" – http://ping.fm/gCOv6 # doing a show in Champaign, IL tonight – I know nobody in the area. Do you? http://ping.fm/vD8Ue # [...]

If you can’t trust “the Juggalos,” WHO CAN YOU TRUST!? Of course, if I could throw piss-filled balloons at Tila Tequila, I probably would. # http://ping.fm/Bcwzl – I just got my Power Chair Scooter for FREE! Thanks Medicare! Get yours today from TheScooterStore.com # Everyone has the equal right to believe whatever they want.. and I believe that everyones beliefs [...]

In short, “Go fuck yourself.” Originally this was directed to one person who was blowing up facebook talking shit, totally unprovoked. I’ve since removed the references to that one specific talentless, hacky, derivative, delusional moron to reinforce the reason this kind of thing is so frustrating: this happens all the time. Clueless, entitled twats are everywhere.. [...]

RT @ JesseIsTerrific I used to do a podcast w/ @ Anundson @ChadRiden @ seanparrott & @ BRADBRADBRAD. A lot of it was funny: http://bit.ly/bLIuyQ # RT @ Anundson @JesseIsTerrific we still have to do episode 50 // Tell me when, gents. My hootie-scoodle is oiled up and ready to go. # @pattonoswalt @kylekinane @ nsup meant to say Cookeville has chain restaurants. Also, Prince’s [...]

This just in! Kanye West twittered something CRAAAAZY! (fart) # thanks to the team at Riden Auto, I now have a car fueled by the urine of the homeless. # ladies, “that’s what HE said” is NOT necessarily interchangeable with “that’s what SHE said” # thatswhatHEsaid # “just the tip” # thatswhatHEsaid # True, “everything happens for a reason” – but sometimes that reason is “because [...]

Sorry no bloggy.  Things have been happening.  Some notes:

Sorry no bloggy.  Things have been happening.  Some notes:

I’m equal parts proud and pissed off about how much Callia likes and relates to ‘Matilda’. She’s watching it for the third time in a week. # RT @ Anundson Nuns gone wild. Really? // You and I were the only ones in the room who’d ever seen that before. It’s so old it’s new again. # Just watched video from [...]

Me: “You’re not listening to anything I say, so I’m going to stop talking.”Callia: “Finally.” #
Headlining at a seafood restaurant tonight. Career = awesome! (@ Shanti’s) http://4sq.com/9rqRWX #

From the geniuses at CNN.com: “Questions about former USDA employee Shirley Sherrod dominated headlines in a week the Obama administration hoped would be focused on the most sweeping overhaul of the financial system since the New Deal.” Now, I’m not the sharpest brick in the pie, but I’m pretty sure that CNN decides the, you know, [...]

Bennie Ben-Ben Ben Pup Bennie Pup Bennie Puppa Shmoopa Shmoopa Lady Bennington the 3rd BENNNSWOOORRRRTTTHHHH (Say it like an English butler) Pup PUUUUUUP Dammit Pup Little Ol’ Pup Puppenheimer Jenkins Puppinest of Pups The Puppinest Pup That Ever Pupped Awwww Pup Dog Damn Dog Goddamn Dog Fucker Little Fucker Little Shit Shithead Bitch Little Bitch Little Fuckin’ Bitch Needy Bitch Bellyrubaholic Whoredog Tina Head-Turner Curious Pup Wanderin’ Pup Weird Pup Suchaweirdpup Spooked Pup Precious Pup Little Snuggler Little Growler Little Sleepin’ Pup Berf Berf-Berf! Little Berfer She Who Berfs Avon Barksdale Sarah Jessica Barker Lovin’ Pup

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I’ve been Movie Magoo lately ( new column here! ), and some have asked when I’m going to be funny again. Still others claim that I’ve never been funny, while the majority of the American population doesn’t give a flying turd what I do or don’t do. Those people have the right attitude. I don’t do standup anymore, [...]

I need to write up a column about All About Eve for the Examiner website , but as a professional dawdler, it’s simply not close enough to the deadline for me to get my ass into gear.  So, I figured I’d blog about a film I’ve never seen.  Thanks to a stroke of luck and a couple of trade-ins [...]

Callia and I are the only gringos at my Mexican neighbors’ birthday bbq and it’s pretty awesome. More Petrone? Si, por favor! # RT @ NateWaltBills: @ comedynews love the site/twitter/i dunno what it is but its awesome // love you back. (“it” is @ ChadRiden+php+free time) # Consumer Fraud Alert! Wendy’s “boneless chicken wings” are nothing more than nuggets in wing sauce. # [...]

I talked about Inception earlier, but it’s sticking with me, so I figured I’d blather some more blahbity-blah: Smartest summer action movie ever made?  Considering my memory sucks, YES! This film makes Joseph Gordon-Levitt a leading man.  I really like the guy, even as he starred in blech like (500) Days Of Summer .   Anybody that does the “Make ‘Em Laugh” number from Singin’ [...]

Best movie of the year.  Granted, that doesn’t mean much this year, but it’s a surefire Best Picture nominee, as well as one of the best screenplays written in the last decade.  Complex and multi-layered, but I never found it confusing.  The way the (multiple) worlds are set up is clean and concise, and the execution [...]

Best movie of the year.  Granted, that doesn’t mean much this year, but it’s a surefire Best Picture nominee, as well as one of the best screenplays written in the last decade.  Complex and multi-layered, but I never found it confusing.  The way the (multiple) worlds are set up is clean and concise, and the execution [...]